I’ve often wondered how good writers find such interesting topics about which to write. I have no skill in this regard. I don’t like to write personal details. So usually I settle for outrageously silly or too damn serious. I write about Cocoa Puffs or Wheat Chex. Not literally, of course. This is the first time I’ve ever mentioned Cocoa Puffs or Wheat Chex. Figuratively, though, that’s my entire repertoire; Either sugary cuckoo puffs of meaningless ranting with lots of pop movie references or mind numbing diatribes about my personal views on religion, politics or …hmm must be something else I diatribe against, there’s always 3, but it escapes me at the moment.
Anyway, my literal favorite cereal is Lucky Charms. I so wish I could write Lucky Charms. Most of it is wholesome bits of nutrient and vitamin rich wheat that soaks up the milk just so, with just enough colorful marshmallows tossed in to keep things entertaining and sweeten the milk. I try. I really do try. Usually, the best I can do is Raisin Bran, though. I don’t care how many scoops of raisins you toss in, though, you’re never going to turn Raisin Bran into Lucky Charms.
I’m not just going to write about cereal here. I have a point. Thinking of cereal analogies is just helping me compartmentalize some of the emotion here. Basically, I have a lot of self-doubt. That’s the root of my humor. I personally think that’s near the root of just about everybody who is funny. Anyway, today, after a meaningless outburst of mine on Twitter about news, I was treated to about 1000 characters of just putrid rotting criticism of my entire value as a person. I responded with humor. 1) Because I found the entire incident more than a little creepy. 2) I was half-expecting them to snap out of it and say ‘just kidding, hope you didn’t think I was serious!’.
They were serious, and I shouldn’t give 2 shits about their hateful comments, but I did; I do. It feels like someone pissed in my Wheaties, as the old saying goes. Twitter is generally a safe place for me. Occasionally, something awkward happens. My wife will get jealous about a friend. A ‘witty’ comment will offend someone I actually wanted to cheer up. Worst of all, like today, I meet someone who just spits out all their vitriol at me and tries to improve their day by making me feel like shit. I really don’t do well with that. I haven’t figured out how to shield my bowl very well yet, as it were, and it’s hard for me to toss out that serving and pour a fresh bowl.
Maybe someone has some interesting Kashi-like comments to contribute to help me out with this stuff. I also apologize to anyone whose favorite cereal I may have slighted. I’m sure they’re all lovely cereals and given time I could probably come to appreciate them all. Well, probably not Fruity Pebbles. You have to draw the line somewhere.