Hey, Let’s Get the Fuck Out of Afghanistan!

protestors burn US embassy vehicles
Hey look, a parade!

I know!  Let’s all get together, and get the fuck out of Afghanistan!  It will be so much fun.  We can make a party of it!  I mean, we won already, right?  Have you SEEN that place?  We totally kicked their ass.  So, let’s pack up our shit and make like a tree and … oh right, no trees there.  We can totally give them our buildings and stuff, and maybe even some nice parting gifts like some house accessories and some nice Wine.  Oh, right.  Forget the wine.

Anyway, we can have a big parade and shoot guns in the air throw ticker tape. I mean, we don’t have to go home, but we can’t stay there.  We’re just not fucking bat-shit insane enough sensitive enough to properly accomodate their ignorant anachronism and paranoia  religious sensibilities.  I know, it will be difficult to forgo the generous benefits we derive from our presence there, like inexpensive local drivers, warm local hospitality and of course the amazing food.  Somehow, though, we can probably get by without them.

What, you may ask, about all those strategic advantages we derive?  Advantages like 1) Easy access to visit our good friends in Iran!  2) Easy access to visit our good friends in Pakistan! 3) Beautiful spring bouquets of Poppies!  4) Making friends in the Entire Muslim world!  Yeah, those things have really been special to us all, but it’s time to move on.

Maybe there are better things we could do with our time.  Sometimes, a good hobby is just the thing to take your mind off a break-up, so I’ve compiled a list of activities that would be a better use of our time and resources…  1)Barefoot Zen Broken Glass Gardening.  2) Salted Lemon fresh Nipple Piercing juicing.  3) Relaxing strolls through the nightclub districts of Mexico blaring Barry Manilow from our American flag and diamond encrusted boom boxes.

Boy, there’s a ton of other things, but I don’t want to stray from the central premise here.  Let’s GET-THE-FUCK-OUT-OF-AFGHANISTAN, now.

Author: patrixmyth

3 thoughts on “Hey, Let’s Get the Fuck Out of Afghanistan!

  1. I know I have no right to an opinion on the matter as I’m neither Afghan nor American, but I’d like to point out that very few countries have ever successfully conquered Afghanistan. Remember the Soviet Union? How they invaded Afghanistan? And how the resulting atrocious war brought the whole Soviet state down and forced the ruling party out of power? I’m not saying this situation is identical, but I’d be very careful waging war in Afghanistan if I was you. Which, as mentioned above, I’m not. So feel free to ignore this comment.

  2. A-fucking-men. My son has been in Afghanistan since last August and he says no one there ha any idea what they’re doing there. One giant, finding-bombs-under-the-shower-stairs-every-other-day clusterfuck.

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