Damn you, Licorice!

I recently read about a Japanese researcher developing synthetic meat from sewage protein.  I think he’s missing the real opportunity.  I’m fairly selective about my steak.  I’m really not going to be ordering a shit steak, anytime soon.  If licorice dispensed directly from the toilet, though I am ashamed to admit that I would eat it. 

I just can’t resist the stuff.  Sure, I started out with the movie theater packs.  Really, they’re a bargain when you compare them to the popcorn.  Lately, though, I’ve been moving up to larger and larger packages.  It’s not entirely my fault.  My family insists on me sharing my licorice.  Don’t they realize that I’ve carefully alloted my serving portion?  If you take a bite of my licorice, then I am forced to begin the entire process again with another licorice, and there’s really no point in getting a single piece out, so I must eat another 3 pieces. 

Lately, they’ve taken to labeling it ‘Fat Free’.  So, apparently, it’s a healthy snack.  That’s good.  It provides a bit of comfort as I wheel my barrell out to the car.  Still, if anyone knows a licorice executive, please ask them to add ‘Not Grown In Vats of Human Excrement’ to the label.  Unless of course, it really is, in which case, let’s just not bring up the subject.

Author: patrixmyth