Amazon plays with Fire

STOP THE PRESSES!!!  There aren’t any presses?  Oh, well, then just tack this on top of my article from yesterday…

So, Amazon has thrown a few curveballs today, if you will.  First, they priced the Kindle Fire @ $199 which is $100 less than the Blackberry Playbook that they blatantly ripped off and stripped down to get a tablet out by Christmas (oh, and it won’t ship until late Nov).  That’s a good move.  Now, rather than foregoing 4 weeks of gas to buy a tablet, you can simply forego 3, or a doctor’s appointment.  Remember, what doesn’t kill us, makes us linger and infect others.

Also, they’ve popped out like 8 models of black and white Kindles.  Clearly, they feel there is a large segment of the population that WOULD buy a kindle, except they have trouble deciding how much they like buttons and insist on feng-shuing it’s size to exactly match the chi in their IKEA living room.

What do I think?  I think I was wrong to call the Kindle Fire a three-legged puppy.  It is actually a wandering pack of cross-eyed opossums (We miss you, Heidi!) that while individually weak, may just have the tenacity to back down that 2 year old Apple Labrador that just eviscerated that HP cat and has been all full of itself since it got the Samsung Golden Retriever sent to the pound.  We’ll see.

Immediate effects?  I think this will kick the shit out of the ebay entrepreneurs hocking $250 touchpads.  That really breaks my heart. Really, I’m almost in tears.

Ok, now back to that crap I wrote yesterday.

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“The Fire you build for your enemy, often burns you instead.”- Proverb by some Chinese guy (yeah that narrows it down, thanks Internet.)

It’s difficult, at this point, to enter any technology sector without bumping up against Apple.  Still, Amazon’s decision to take on Apple’s strongest product right at the start of the holiday season is crazy.  I mean “putting metal can of ravioli in the Microwave” crazy, not MacGyver constructing an RPG from a fire extinguisher and bran muffins “so crazy it might just work” crazy.  This isn’t a knock against the Kindle Fire.  I haven’t seen it.  I have my doubts about quality based on it’s shared lineage with RIM’s playbook, but I’m putting that aside until Wednesday when the details arrive.

Why is it crazy?  The obvious answer is to jump up and down, make wild hooting noises and hip thrust emphatically at the HP Touchpad trainwreck.  (Sorry for that image, though)   Obvious, and correct.  That wreck hasn’t even cleared the track yet, and Amazon is loading up a maglev bullet train to run over the same tracks.  This time it’s different?  This time they have the content to make the difference?  This is going to change everything like that scooter Jeff Bezos loved so much was supposed to do?  See, I don’t even have to address the issues.  Just putting question marks after the statements makes it clear how unlikely it is that this is going to work.

Here’s my prediction.  The sales for the first month are going to be good.  Amazon is going to show they have the capacity and infrastructure to launch a product without pissing everyone off about standing in line and/or crashing the payment system on a website.  That’s the good part.  Then, the reviews will start and the trolls shall frolic in the garden of Amazon’s discontent.  Nevermind this is Android 2.1, a 2 year old OS.  This has been “customized”, so every nagging little bug and inconsistency is going to feel like Amazon has sold you a three legged puppy.  Yeah, it’s cute, but why can’t it run and catch a frisbee like Apple’s dog?  Why’s it so small?  Why can’t it fetch email?  Why does it smell like antiseptic and bandages?  Why did it pee on my shoes?  Too far with the analogy, I know.

Oh, last thing.  I better get some motherfucking mobile data connectivity up in this hizzouse.  Yeah, boy.
Sorry, but cursing really bumps up the page views for some reason.   I don’t make the rules.

How’s the revolution going, Jeff?

Author: patrixmyth