Forget about mousetraps. I want to build a better iPad Poop App. Why, you may ask? (And if you are my wife, you will not ask; You will simply roll your eyes and remind me to take the trash out.) To put it simply, because I love my children. I am told that I spoil them, in fact, which is ridiculous. The only way to spoil children is to not love them enough, and I love them A LOT (or is it ALOT?) I will go ahead and do both, they deserve it.
Anyway, I’ve noticed that when they take the iPad into the bathroom to poo, they lack an app that is truly suitable to the occasion. Don’t get me wrong, there are a plethora of ipad poop apps of which any parent (or progeny) might be proud to partake. There is iPoop, which will assist you in categorizing your poo. There are animated stories, like ‘Once Upon a Potty: Boy’ or ‘Once Upon a Potty: Girl’. There are even poo themed games, like ‘Crap Dodger’ and poop “utilities” like Toilet Buddy, which apparently camouflages the sound of your poop.
What is lacking however, is an app that captures the true dignity and solemnity of the occasion. Were you aware that the Kings of France once held court from the toilet? If you visit Versailles, you will learn that they did indeed, and that the event was referred to as ‘Attending the Royal Business’, and judging by my experience with french food, business was booming. (high-five, guys, really, come on). Perhaps you have also never heard that the three great contributions of Roman Civilization were roads, toilets and comfortable open toe sandals? I’m not encouraging you to use that fact in your history exams, btw.
So, what kind of app do I want to build? It has to be succinct. It has to be educational. It has to encourage interaction with others. It has to build community. Finally, it can never be boring. I haven’t worked out all the details, but I do have a name picked out. I’m just not quite sure how to get the App Store to approve something named ‘Shi++er’. (Call me, Google!)
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