This #sneakyfuckerweek thing seems like it’s actually lasted a few weeks. I like the posts! I just hate that it reminds me how much life rewards the sneaky fuckers and how much it goddamn annoys me. As an official card carrying member of the ‘nice guy’ society, it’s bad enough that we must suffer the indignities of the Alpha personalities. It’s almost too much to bear to also have to contend with the sneaky fuckers who lurk among us.
In many ways, the sneaky fuckers are even worse than the Alpha’s. With the Alpha’s, you know where you stand. The Alpha females will let you know, without hesitation, whether you belong in their clique. Alpha males will generally ignore everyone but their prey, so that’s not too bad either. Those sneaky fuckers, though, they are, well, sneaky fuckers. They greet you on the street, remember your name, and even occasionally give you a left over donut. Free donuts, btw, are the ‘nice guy’ calling card. That’s our thing, damn it.
Then, when you least expect it, they sleep with your girlfriend, sabotage your project at work and feed your dog chili in the middle of winter. The world is full of sneaky fuckers who just keep moving on up, while the rest of us scrape by. Ron Paul is a sneaky fucker. Dude has played more electoral college pranks than Bluto did in Animal House. Julian Assange is both figuratively and literally a sneaky fucker, as he is under indictment for actual sneakyfuckering. Kudos to Sweden, btw, for having a sneaky fucker law. We need more legislation like that.
(Non-sequitor of the day: I used to think that George W. Bush was a sneaky fucker, but in retrospect, the sneaky fuckers were people like Rove and Cheney, who used the Bush name and a simple Texan who enjoyed clearing brush and owning baseball teams to rule the world. That’s some serious sneaky fucker shit right there.)
Anyway, the worst part isn’t even the damage that sneaky fuckers do, but the effect they have on the nice people they hide among. Sneaky fuckers are why spouses hate twitter. Sneaky fuckers are why public restrooms have locks. Sneaky fuckers are why I can’t find my keys in the morning. (I know I can’t prove that, but it makes sense to me. I put them right there on the table, goddamn it!)
So, in conclusion; fuck you, sneaky fuckers!